I honestly can’t believe I’m writing this as a mum of a 1 year old. It’s true what they say, it really does go so fast. It feels like yesterday that I was pregnant with Jacob, but it’s funny because at the same time I look back now and see a totally different person, with a totally different life. This year has been the most transformative year for me and I wanted to share a bit about my experiences.
I want to start by saying that I’m so truly grateful for how blessed we’ve been with Jacob. Apart from when he’s teething, he’s generally a really happy baby and he’s never had any health issues. We never had any issues with breastfeeding, weaning or his development. But that doesn’t mean this year hasn’t been a tough one. It’s been a massive adjustment for all three of us as we’ve created this new life together as a family.
It’s always made clear that relationships suffer when you have kids, but you’re never fully prepared for how true that is. Pre-lockdown I can honestly say that although we get along great, I don’t think we had yet fully mastered working as a team nearly 1 year on. It’s HARD to get that balance right when one of you is at home all day and one of you is working. You’re both tired for different reasons, both stressed, both think the other one has the easy job and it leads to a lot of resentment and a breakdown in communication. On top of that you’ve got the lack of time together, less date nights and generally less energy to give. But lockdown has brought a real change for us. Now that Dave’s at home our parenting is a lot more equal and I’m feeling less guilty about asking him to help out. We’re working much better as a team and spending more quality time together. It’s really what we needed and I’m determined to make the same effort once normality resumes.
I have experienced a massive mindset shift in the past year. Everything has been put into perspective and what I want from my life and our family’s life has become a lot more clear. It hasn’t come easy, my mental health has really suffered worse than ever at times with low moods, exhaustion, irrational thoughts and anxiety but I’ve put the work in to be able to manage it better. I’ve grown in confidence, stopped doubting my abilities and become more determined than ever to work hard at doing something I love. Not just for my sake, but to inspire Jacob that he can do anything he puts his mind to. I’ve prioritised my self-care and scheduled in time to do things that make me happy and keep me sane, like a workout or an hour of reading. Above all else, I just feel generally so much happier, excited about the future and present in the moment. I feel like everything’s been put into perspective and every day I’m just eternally grateful for what we have. I’ve stopped worrying about all of the little things that seem so silly in comparison. I’ve healed my relationship with food and my body and learnt to love myself, flaws and all. I’ve learnt that life is too short to not be yourself and not doing things out of fear of judgement of others. I’m positive, I have faith in myself and the universe and I’m finding joy in the little things.
Have I loved every minute of being a mum? Absolutely not. Times were hard, exhausting, frustrating, worrying and boring. But for every bad day there are many more good ones and every shitty moment passes and you remind yourself that tomorrow is a new day and everything has turned out okay.
My darling boy. He’s just a dream. But everyone thinks that about their baby don’t they?! It’s been an absolute pleasure looking back on how much he’s grown and developed from that tiny little newborn with the funny frown and mop of hair to this cheeky blonde toddler. He’s so affectionate and has always loved cuddles and spending time with family. He’s really growing into his personality now and he’s cheeky and playful. He’s also active like mama and doesn’t keep still. He can also throw one hell of a tantrum! He does things at his own pace and is pretty laid-back but nothing makes me prouder than when he meets a milestone.
Overall, it’s been the best year of my life. It almost seems like a blur so I’m glad I’ve got lots of photos and videos as reminders of our time together. I know that there’ll be so many more exciting times ahead and I can’t wait to see what the next year holds.